I'm 26, why do I feel like I'm falling apart?

As I mentioned before in March I got married (yea still smile every time I write that one). With all the drama weddings can bring, ours seemed to bring more....all of which occurred within like two months before the wedding up until the day before. In the end it was beautiful and those who loved us were all present and that was the point - to share our day and love with everyone we loved.

Amongst the drama and stress my shoulder had begun hurting. And I don't mean in an "ow that kind of smarts" hurt, it hurt like something was pinched or being torn. It seemed to occur after doing some arm raised with like two pound weights that were part of an at home exercise program left over from when I had hurt my neck in a car accident about five years ago. I stopped doing the exercises - it stopped hurting. Seemed simple enough. I knew I couldn't avoid getting it checked out forever, but I just didn't have the time to go to the doctor. So I sucked it up. I stopped doing that particular exercise and used heat at night to relieve what pain was there. During our honeymoon it started hurting again and when we got back I tried my exercises again and it hurt. I knew it was time to bite the bullet and call the doctor.

I saw my GP - they did an x-ray and said I had a separated AC joint. I looked it up and realized that seemed highly unlikely. So on to a shoulder doctor - thankfully I already knew of one because (1) I went to school with his son and (2) he did both of my elbow surgeries and I trust him. (one day I will share the saga that was my elbows with you all, that was like a 3 year journey in itself) Nerve test and MRI later I have a bone spur and rotator cuff inflammation. No tears. Heres the thing....he said I could do physical therapy, cortisone shots or surgery. He said PT worked well for a lot of people. I figured what the hell, might as well try PT.

Tomorrow is my first day of PT and it's been almost 6 months since my shoulder started hurting. I haven't even made it to my appointment and I feel like I should just have the surgery. I hurt. BAD. I am getting a cortisone shot on Monday - which makes me very nervous since prednisone pills make me feel sick (blood sugar acts weird and I get anxiety = not a happy Maggie) but I feel like I have to do something. My hands and arms are shaky. I had a massage yesterday which helped some, but by the end of the night the pain came back. Muscle relaxers only help so much or maybe it's the fact that I wont take a high dose. I'm frustrated about the fact that I can barely use that arm. It was feeling so much better last week, what set it off? Weeding, using a small drill to fix my garden area, and pick up my friends two year old on Fourth of July. Yea....

But I'm scared to make the leap and get surgery. That same friend had surgery for a bone spur and a torn rotator cuff and she feels better but said she doesn't think it will ever be the same. I read online tons of people saying how much better they felt. I know once the bone spur got removed from my sinuses I felt ten times better. (yea I know sounds odd, I'll explain that one again eventually too) but I'm scared to risk it being worse. Which I don't know if it could be worse - but somehow I'm sure it could be...

Any words of wisdom out there?

Doctors....times, they are a changin'

So a few days ago I got a phone call from my mom - she sounded rather frantic and she freaked me out, but it turned out it wasn't as bad as my first instincts thought......well maybe? A little less then a year ago my old endocrinologist from Miami would no longer take care of me since I hadn't physically seen him in a year (the 3 hour drive was just not happening) and I was having difficulties that my primary no longer felt comfortable handling. That being said she was able to recommend an endocrinologist here in town for me, and the best part? I loved him! My mom loved him so much that when we left she set up an appointment immediately for herself.

Now you all must be asking what the problem may be? Well we got a letter in the mail the other day telling us that as of August 19th our endocrinologist would no longer be practicing. Oddly enough I am not nearly as freaked as my mom only because I have been through this so often with myself that I know what to tell doctors to look for with my labs, but for her they are still trying to get her straightened out.....which means this just sucks!!

Today I went to my primary doctor and was talking to her about. She explained to me that it was because of the way insurance laws are currently she spends more time doing paperwork then she does seeing patients - kind of defeats the purpose of being a doctor, no? The way things are set up today just sucks. There is no other way to put it. My husband lost his neurologist because she decided to just work in the hospital instead of regular office settings.

I am for change with the medical system and insurance - BIG TIME!! And I know they are trying but enough just isn't being done. We are loosing wonderful doctors. And then many can't even get insurance. My husband can't get different insurance due to existing medical conditions. Myself? The same I am sure. Currently I am on my parents insurance until January....after January? No clue. I'm scared. I have been trying to get a job that will give me benefits, but it's hard. Right now I work for my mom and am getting my second masters, I want to be able to finish my masters because in the long run it will be beneficial....but I need a job - really I want a job in my field - it's just all so overwhelming...

Ok that's my vent for now....in the meantime hopefully I find another endo I like, if not maybe it's time for me to go to medical school?

Growing Wings

Hey all!

As I'm sure you have noticed we have changed our site a bit. I decided it might be best to just set up the website as a blog...it's still a work in progress so bear with me!

A lot has changed since I last started writing in the blog. We moved, bought a house, found an endocrinologist who is local that I love, graduated from one masters around the time my HUSBAND graduated from law school, GOT MARRIED, oh and decided to go back to school for another masters a whole two months before our wedding!

It's amazing how much life can change in two years. I'm going to try my best to get this up and running again. We can no longer receive donations or sell things, the costs of trying to keep the proper paperwork going was just to much - but that's ok! I think maybe scaling back and almost starting fresh might be the way to go.

So in the mean time, if you are still following and have been all along - thank you! It means a lot to me. And if you are new, well hopefully I can get the old blog attached to this soon so you all can access it, and thank you for the support!

Just trying to grow some wings,

Maggie