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Thursday, July 7, 2011

I'm 26, why do I feel like I'm falling apart?

As I mentioned before in March I got married (yea still smile every time I write that one). With all the drama weddings can bring, ours seemed to bring more....all of which occurred within like two months before the wedding up until the day before. In the end it was beautiful and those who loved us were all present and that was the point - to share our day and love with everyone we loved.

Amongst the drama and stress my shoulder had begun hurting. And I don't mean in an "ow that kind of smarts" hurt, it hurt like something was pinched or being torn. It seemed to occur after doing some arm raised with like two pound weights that were part of an at home exercise program left over from when I had hurt my neck in a car accident about five years ago. I stopped doing the exercises - it stopped hurting. Seemed simple enough. I knew I couldn't avoid getting it checked out forever, but I just didn't have the time to go to the doctor. So I sucked it up. I stopped doing that particular exercise and used heat at night to relieve what pain was there. During our honeymoon it started hurting again and when we got back I tried my exercises again and it hurt. I knew it was time to bite the bullet and call the doctor.

I saw my GP - they did an x-ray and said I had a separated AC joint. I looked it up and realized that seemed highly unlikely. So on to a shoulder doctor - thankfully I already knew of one because (1) I went to school with his son and (2) he did both of my elbow surgeries and I trust him. (one day I will share the saga that was my elbows with you all, that was like a 3 year journey in itself) Nerve test and MRI later I have a bone spur and rotator cuff inflammation. No tears. Heres the thing....he said I could do physical therapy, cortisone shots or surgery. He said PT worked well for a lot of people. I figured what the hell, might as well try PT.

Tomorrow is my first day of PT and it's been almost 6 months since my shoulder started hurting. I haven't even made it to my appointment and I feel like I should just have the surgery. I hurt. BAD. I am getting a cortisone shot on Monday - which makes me very nervous since prednisone pills make me feel sick (blood sugar acts weird and I get anxiety = not a happy Maggie) but I feel like I have to do something. My hands and arms are shaky. I had a massage yesterday which helped some, but by the end of the night the pain came back. Muscle relaxers only help so much or maybe it's the fact that I wont take a high dose. I'm frustrated about the fact that I can barely use that arm. It was feeling so much better last week, what set it off? Weeding, using a small drill to fix my garden area, and pick up my friends two year old on Fourth of July. Yea....

But I'm scared to make the leap and get surgery. That same friend had surgery for a bone spur and a torn rotator cuff and she feels better but said she doesn't think it will ever be the same. I read online tons of people saying how much better they felt. I know once the bone spur got removed from my sinuses I felt ten times better. (yea I know sounds odd, I'll explain that one again eventually too) but I'm scared to risk it being worse. Which I don't know if it could be worse - but somehow I'm sure it could be...

Any words of wisdom out there?

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